a few basics

I wanted to take a moment and go over a few basics. Some people are shocked when we tell them certain things about our adoption and it's probably due to the fact that we forget to tell everybody everything. So the basics.

Jessica and I have actually wanted to adopt for years. It's been on our hearts since before we were married I think. We are adopting internationally from N. N. is sandwiched between China (North) and India (South). Our original intention was to adopt an infant, but we are now (most likely) getting a sibling group. Long story short: N. changed their rules. The older child cannot be over six and one of the children must be female.

In my tiny brain I break the process into three stages. The first is the paperwork stage. In this stage we collect and complete all of the necessary documents for our agency, the N. government, and whomever else wants to know all things Ryan and Jessica.

Next is the waiting stage. It is waiting for us, but in N. the paperwork is being translated into Korean for their attorneys to scour. Just kidding about the Korean thing; they speak N. Later we found out the dossier doesn't have to be translated. After we are approved by the powers that be ruling N., they begin the process of pairing us with children. This, of course, transitions us into the last phase - referral.

We will receive a packet (probably delivered by a stork) that contains all of the info on our potential children. Sometimes this information is not very extensive. But whatever medical history, current condition, photos and such they have they send to us. We at that point can choose to accept or reject. Reject seems like a harsh word. I would say it would be highly unlikely we would not accept the first referral. There would have to be something glaringly uncomfortable.

Each stage is usually somewhere in the neighborhood of 3-4 months. We are sort of at the end of the first stage. All God's Children International (our agency) is reviewing our paperwork to make sure all is in order before sending it to N. We finished this stage fairly quickly mostly due to my extraordinarily determined and extremely competent wife.

Thanks for reading.

Not too much!

Hey everyone,

We're finishing up our dossier. Just need to complete our online education and get some documents notarized. You'll notice I have a new profile pic thanks to our friend Haley! She took some pics for us to include in our dossier...we had a lot of fun with that. Thanks Haley! I am so ready to be done with the dossier. Pray that I will stay motivated to finish it quickly. 

Until next time,

Jessica

We just finished our adoption education notebook. It took us an estimated 12 hours spread over several weeks. It was no walk in the park either. It asked some hard questions. Circumstance questions like, "What will you do if your child tortures the family pet?" or "What if the child threatens you with a knife?" Yikes.

After completing it though, I think all parents-to-be should have to go through something like this. Granted our situation is different than having biological children, but still. It made us think about what we will say when strangers (or anyone) asks us inappropriate questions or says hurtful things to us or our children. Before opening this book, I would have said we were a 6 or 7 on preparedness (10 being super parents like Brad and Angelina or the Osbornes). After going through the book, I think we are a 6 or 7. Before it, we were probably pushing a duece.

There will undoubtedly be surprises, failings, and heartaches but we will endure. Jessica will make a great mom and she thinks the same of me...I mean that I'll make a great dad, not mom. Stop laughing. I wonder sometimes though because I have a weak stomach and kids can be gross. Everyone says, "When it's yours it's different..." I'm sure y'all are right.

Jessica may be upset with this paragraph because I did not pre-approve it. Better to ask forgiveness, than permission. Write that down, guys. One thing we read in the book was about how adoptive moms can become depressed afterwards. Now listen, those of you that know Jessica are probably saying, "pssh! Not Jessica. She's a warrior." And this is true. However, we (myself included) want to experience things just like other new parents would. Things will definitely be different with many, many things since we are adopting, but we still cherish your prayers, calls, cards, letters, love, balloons, flowers, baby gifts, showers, and Blu-Ray movies (haha...for the children of course!). And we so much appreciate you taking the time to read these blogs and stay updated with our exciting endeavor!

Thanks for reading.

Starting to sink in

Hey everybody,

Just wanted to give a quick update. We spoke to our case worker at the agency last week and she said we should expect our children to be about 5 & 6 years old. Wow! We were hoping one of them would be about 2-3 but that's ok. We have been doing alot of reading trying to finish our adoption education requirements. I told Ryan I think its starting to sink in that we will be bringing home children that will not automatically trust us and will feel like strangers. That's kind of weird to think about, but true. We have great challenges ahead but I'm really looking forward to being a mom to these kids. Ryan has always said I like a challenge!!

I'm sure everyone will be delighted to hear that mine and Ryan's criminal checks came back clean...I know some of you were a little concerned about Ryan. :-) The home study report is completed so we are on our way to finishing our dossier. Thanks to you who have been praying that the paperwork would go smoothly. Our case worker told us it takes 2-3 months for the N. government to review our dossier, so we have some waiting ahead.

We have received one of our N. language books so we have plenty to work on during our waiting phase.

Until next time....

Jessica set this up

So, this is Ryan again. Last night we met a couple that works with N. people here in Fort Worth. Jessica set this up of course. I don't consider myself shy in any way, shape, form or fashion...but when it comes to going to a complete stranger's house...that's another story.

Jessica heard about this couple through Lauren, the girl that cuts our hair. She's great too if anyone needs a referral. So, Lauren exchanged their emails or something, the next thing I know we're going to their house. It's always odd. You never know if they're huggers or shakers. Are you supposed to accept what they offer to eat or drink? Take your shoes off at the door? It's like going into a different country, you know? What to do. What not to do.

Things went really well. I knew they would. There's just always that chance that you'll sit on their cat or realize that they have a cup of noses in their freezer.

We spent about two hours with the Shafer's. We heard about their call into ministry, how they met, their work with the N. people. Jess and I plan on having them over sometime soon. Good people those two.

Our new friends have done some work with a N. church in Irving and have offered to go with us to visit sometime. I am looking forward to that in the same way as meeting the Shafer's...excited, but cautious, but mostly excited, and almost certain it will turn out good, but cautious. They do the whole service N. Songs, preaching, all of it.

I told Brandon that I really want to learn to speak the language so he is going to send us some resources. I hope they don't speak in clicks. That would be difficult.

Okay. Thanks for reading.

ryan

Not sure how she does it...

So, I wanted to write a little bit in here to make people think I'm involved. Just kidding. I am, but not as much as I'd like. But maybe more than I should be.

"Dear people holding up our adoption, please get your stuff together." I just tried to fill out some further questions that our social worker needed. I get aggravated because I know she asked this stuff already. And I know we've answered the same questions for other people in the loop. Why can't they just get together and talk?!?! Play Go Fish with our info. Something. Jessica quickly set me right by reminding me that she usually does this stuff without complaining. Of course, she does almost everything without complaining. I hate that about her. And I love it too. I'm not sure how she does it. I shouldn't whine about it. I'll try not to anymore.

By the way, 'dossier' is pronounced 'dah-see-ay'. And it is in fact not a large yellow machine used to move dirt. That would be a 'dozer'. The things I'm learning.

This past Sunday, Father's Day, the thought occured to me that we are adopting children. Not infant. Toddler or runner possibly. The process takes about one year. So that means the child(ren) that God has for us are already alive! I was a father on this past father's day! I know it's a stretch, but God already has them picked out. It's strange and surreal knowing that.

Errands to run. Thanks for reading.

ryan

Overwhelmed to say the least!

So our second home study visit went very well also. We had to think about our worst childhood memories...I'm so glad me and Meredith get along so much better now! Ryan enjoyed telling our social worker that even when Meredith moved back home temporarily after being in Shreveport that we started fighting again. I'm not sure I remember that...but it's true we didn't do well living together!



We received our adoption planner that lists in detail every document that makes up our dossier. The dossier is basically a collection of documents that will be sent to the N. government. I'm a little overwhelmed since reading it...maybe because there are some things in there that I don't fully understand yet..especially about Citizenship and Immigration paperwork. I did spend about 3 hours emailing questions to the home study agency and preparing some documents this afternoon though. I do feel somewhat better now that I got some of the things figured out. I have a list of questions going that I will ask our case worker when I talk to her Thursday. I could see how this process could take up to 4 months to finish for some families...especially families who have children already. I am so thankful that I have a job that I have days off during the week to work on all of this.



Another cool thing is I am in contact with a guy that serves with a ministry that serves N. people. We are trying to plan a time when we can meet he and his wife. He's really excited to tell us about the culture and introduce us to some N. people. I am really looking forward to meeting them.

More to come...