glucose comas and driving on empty

Readers,

My heart is both heavy and happy. The mix of emotion can most likely not be accurately described with words, at least not in a blog. It would take volumes to express and would be as unintelligible as it would be hefty. I will nevertheless ramble a bit here for both our sakes.

I deliver Jessica to Dallas tomorrow and she will board a plane with one of our dearest friends, Haley, for Ethiopia to visit our kids. I have ceased the adjective labels such as "soon-to-be" or "hopefully" to describe the children. They are no one else's. And desperately loved and longed for by us. The only adjective I want to use currently is a possessive one - OURS. (heavy sigh)

So, Jessica is going to visit them and I don't get to. Will someone cue the pity party music? I am really excited for her getting to go...it's just...seriously. Someone? The MUSIC!!! It's just I really want to meet our kids too. So I'm a bit sad.

Jessica has purchased enough candy and toys to stock the Texas State Fair for three millennia. She's sitting on the floor packing balls and bubbles and books and suckers and Starburst into her suitcase. I told her in a foreign country to try to blend in. "Try not to look too much like a tourist." That's what I told her. Apparently her idea of blending in is wearing a pages from coloring books while tossing out candy to the onlookers like she's the Krewe of Janus. I love my wife. I love that she'll read that and purse her lips, shake her head and smile at me with her eyes. Anyway, the orphanage has quite a treat coming. Possibly one or two glucose-comas as well.

I just wrote a letter to our kids that Jessica will deliver. I cried through my writing until I ran out of things to say. I asked Jessica if she had any ideas of what I could say and she allowed me to read some things she has written in a journal to them. I just thought I had cried. My wife's heart is incomprehensibly wonderful. Beautiful were her words. And our kids will one day be immensely blessed. My letter will no doubt be butchered in translation, all heart-felt emotion and loving tenderness sapped from the page by poor interpretation. Aren't I Debbie Downer? Sorry all you Debbie's out there. Especially you little ones. (wink). Most of my negativity is only here to mask a deep longing for this process to come to completion with our kids safely home.

Contrary to the tone thus far I am rather happy. There is a little life growing inside of Jessica that I also am excited to meet! Seeing its little heart beat was amazing, and then Jessica began feeling it kick, and now I CAN FEEL IT TOO!! Forgive my seeming insensitivity by calling it "it". Many of you may know that we are not finding out the sex of the baby...until its born of course...then we'll know. We like living on the edge. I've been driving my truck on empty for two days. Edgy. You don't know me.

Thanks for reading.

God's blessings

So I am planning my trip to Ethiopia!! Up until 2 weeks ago I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go because I hadn't found anyone to travel with. Our dear friend Haley told us she believed God was leading her to go with me. She and I prayed about it and had complete peace. Next step was for her to send out a letter asking for support to help with the cost of the trip and lost pay at work. 1 week after sending out the letter she had half of the money. Wow!! I can see God working already. While trying to get our flights planned we couldn't get the direct flight to ET, but by the time I booked the flights the direct flight had opened up and it was $300 cheaper. No coincidence I'm sure! I just heard yesterday that the airline is going to provide our hotel stay in DC at no additional cost. Now I am getting toys and things to play with the kids at the orphanage together. This is going to be fun!! I'm not sure if our kids will know I'm coming or be completely surprised when I show up. But I can't wait to meet them!!
Haley and I will appreciate your prayers. I am praying that God will use us to love on as many of His children as possible and to remind them they are not forgotten.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

An update...prayer requests

I'm sorry I haven't been very good about updating our blog!! Sadly, there's not much to update you on. We are still waiting to be submitted to court....waiting on a few Ethiopian documents to be gathered. Please pray that the people involved in accomplishing this would be dilligent! I cannot tell you how much we desire to bring these four precious kids home to join our family...even if they never get to come to our home, I will still consider them our kids and will visit them as often as I can. Our agency director made a trip to Ethiopia a little while back and gave the kids our care package that we sent to them...she videoed them opening them and showed them looking at pictures of us...very sweet! When they were asked if they were excited about having a family...the oldest boy quickly answered "yes, very much!!" Oh, break my heart....I continue to hear from other families that S.(our oldest boy) is very special.

We are trying to come up with their American name in case they want to be called by it. I want S. to have a strong leader name...I believe he will make a big difference for the kingdom just by things people have told me about him. I told Ryan I'd like to meet them before I pick their name for sure. We like the name Canon for the middle boy.It means the standard, or rule, by which things are to be judged, measured, or weighed. Eden is the name we have picked out for our daughter.

Now on to my next prayer request. I am planning to visit our kids this summer most likely without Ryan. Don't worry he will meet them soon enough. I have invited a friend to go along with me and make a mission trip out of it so we can love and minister to other orphans...remember 98% of the world's orphans are not adoptable!!! I am still working out the details so pray with me that we would seek God's guidance in this and that we would trust that He will provide the means to go!!

Jessica

Immediate throat punch

There are several phrases that well-meaning people say that are sometimes not the best possible thing to say at a given time. For instance, a funeral is not always the best place to say “Well, I’m sure they’re in a better place.” We’ve probably all said that. I know I have. And some people may not be bothered by it at all, but there exist safer things to say. Another example might be trying to comfort someone who is going through cancer with “This too shall pass” or the old favorite “Joy comes in the morning”.

But I’m guilty of all of these and I’m not writing to beat you up about what you’ve said wrong in the past. Well maybe a little. I want to give you a few not-so-great things that are often said to adoptive parents, potential adoptive parents, or those struggling with infertility. These are in no particular order and some are completely stolen from friends who’ve shared these with me.

Pre-Adoption No-no’s

For starters, if someone says they’re adopting don’t ask why. A few times people have actually said, “Why would you adopt? You can’t have kids regular?” Immediate throat punch is the result. Instead consider this as an option: “That’s awesome! Congratulations! How can I pray for you specifically?” That leaves it open for the person to share any struggles they are having with infertility or just the adoption process in general.

Here’s a big one. Please don’t assume that because someone adopts that means they will all of the sudden become pregnant. I know right now you are listing off couples in your head that you know personally that this happened to. That’s great! But it DOES NOT happen for everyone. So for you to say, “Oh, I’m sure you’ll get pregnant as soon as you adopt. It happened for Bob & Susie and Bill & Nancy and...” it just causes all kinds of problems. For one, you may be building false hope because you are not, in fact, the Giver of Life. Also, in some people’s eyes it devalues adoption. As if to say that if you’re faithful in doing that then God will truly bless you with a child. It’s just all wrong. The antithesis is also accurate. If someone is adopting and becomes pregnant avoid the oh-I-just-knew-as-soon-as-you-started-adoption rhetoric.

Also, if you hear someone is struggling with infertility Please don’t offer them your kids in jest. It’s not funny. I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard things like that! People say, “Ugh! You just think you want kids. You can keep little Johnny for a weekend and I bet you’ll change your mind.” We want the child(ren) God has for us. So you can keep your rotten heathen and your comments to yourself.

When someone is adopting older children (as in our case) please don’t patronize with phrases about not having to deal with crying at night or diapers, etc. Not all people choose to adopt older children to avoid stinky diapers and sleepless nights. We will have plenty of trials of our own and grieve the time lost with our adopted children, all of the time lost.

I am hesitant to add this one and I want to tread lightly as I do. This doesn’t bring the pain like some of these others might, but it can sometimes be tiring to answer the question “Any news yet?” On the surface the question is obviously caring and in no way is it hurtful, but it is a constant reminder that there is no news. We still want people to care and be involved. Just understand that on any given day we might be asked that same question 5 or 6 times each. I would offer this as an alternative: “We are still praying for you and your kiddos!” or maybe “Let me know if there are specific ways we can pray.” It just alleviates the pressure to share all of the mundane details involved in waiting. And yes, waiting for the elusive travel date is as bad as it sounds. Grueling in fact. Know that we will be glowing when we have news and happy to share every little detail to the point that you will wish you hadn’t asked.

Post-Adoption No-no’s

I don’t have as many of these because we are still pre-adoption, but here’s a couple just for balance.

If it is obvious that someone has either adopted, kidnapped, or is babysitting the children they are with in the grocery store, then it is obvious. No need to ask, “are they really yours?” This could be confusing, especially for older children. Just smile and tell them how cute they are or call the police or both. I can’t wait for the day that someone cocks their head and asks if the four black children are ours. “Yeah, weirdest thing, right? They came out so dark.”

Some people are bothered by being asked if they are all siblings. If they are all adopted by the same parent then they are all siblings! Pop quiz: One biological child, one adopted from Africa and two adopted domestically. Are they all siblings? If you answered ‘No’ then you are on your way to a disgusted look before you know it. Don’t make parents answer the details of that question...to you (a stranger)...in front of their kids.

All that said...

Please don’t apologize if you’ve said these things to us. You may know who you are, but we don’t remember so let’s leave it that way. We don’t hold grudges and have laughed away most of it knowing that we’ve put our foot in out mouth more than we’d care to admit.

Please feel free to add in the comments your own examples of awkward things people have said to you.

And above all of this please know that the thoughts contained in this email are my experiences and may not be true for everyone. I only offer what’s here as a guide in trying to say what’s in your heart. If you mean well and want to offer your friend or loved one some expression of tenderness and caring in whatever it is they are walking through there’s one phrase that ALWAYS fits: I love you.

Thanks for reading.

Prayers are being answered already

When I got home from church and checked my email...I had a very nice note from USCIS(immigration) saying they have approved us to adopt from Ethiopia!! Just a few more hurdles to go!! I really do mean it when I say thank you to all of you who are praying us through this every step of the way.

Jessica

The Kids know about us

**Update** I wrote this post a few days ago and just wanted you all to know our dossier(all paperwork) is on its way to DC to get the great seal to be able to send it to Ethiopia!! Yahoo!! Finally...I'm so glad to have that part done and out of my hands.

So I got an email from our agency director. She wanted to let us know that while she was in Ethiopia last week she told our kids about us wanting to adopt them. She said they were very excited and asked her if they would all be going to the same family and she said "Yes...God is faithful." That's right, He is!! We are getting a photo book together to send to each of them. One of my new adoptive-mom friends told me this will be their most prized possession. She said when she picked up her two kids this was all they had to their name! We just got back from buying each of them their first outfit to send over also. It was fun and challenging since we have never seen them in person...I just approximated their size based on their height and weight. Don't worry I didn't leave S. out he will get some shorts too...just haven't found any I like yet since the stores are just putting out shorts here. Ethiopia is already seeing highs of low 70's so I thought shorts may be a better choice.

Just so you guys know what to pray for specifically. We are waiting for approval from immigration to adopt from Ethiopia instead of Nepal. Also, our paperwork is just about ready to be sent to Ethiopia to be reviewed. They will issue us a court date(maybe in April). We will go to Ethiopia for the court date and be able to spend time with the kids...Yea!! When we pass court (pray that all documents that need to be there will be) our case will be submitted to the embassy. They will investigate to assure that the kids meet the U.S. definition of an orphan. Once this is determined they will give us travel clearance to go for an embassy appointment. From what I understand the U.S. embassy will interview us and give visas to the kids if all goes well. So there are several more hurdles in this process. Please pray that all these things fall into place as they are supposed to so these kids don't have to be heartbroken.

This is where trust in God comes in. This is what is so hard for me. But I have realized more and more that God is in control and always has been even though in my pea-brain I thought I was for a long time. It is so frustrating to know your fate, so to speak, lies in someone else's hands (agencies, governments) but all along it wasn't in our hands to start with. It was/is in His. I get aggravated sometimes and think to myself ‘you know, families that are able to have children biologically get to just decide - ok now we are ready to have kids’ but God is in control of that too (we just think we are). Boy are we fooled!!

Thank you so much in advance for praying with us through this!!

May God have all the glory,

Jessica

You have to read this blog post!

I started writing this post 2 nights ago but couldn't focus enough to finish it!! Can't imagine why!

Every time I even think about blogging about what's going on in my mind right now...I just get overwhelmed thinking there is no way I can write exactly what I am feeling/thinking. It's hard to get a deep breath sometimes! Right now I am preparing the last of the documents that need to be notarized to be sent to Ethiopia...one step closer!!

I just had to share this story...I just happened to read a blog post that you can read here from a sweet family that I know from being with our former agency. So I'm reading this on our way to Louisiana on Christmas day and my heart just about leapt out of my chest. All I can say is my heart aches for these kids that I have never met.

Since we have announced our big news, I have heard from so many that have been praying for our kids to have a family. And I look forward to the day that I can tell them how my sisters and brothers in Christ have cared for them in such a way!! Our family will treasure these memories. Thank you for being faithful to what God our Father calls a pure and faultless religion!!

May God have all the glory,

Jessica