deconstructing humanity

It's been a long, long time since I've blogged. Most of that is just because I haven't made time to do it. But with deep confusion and frazzled nerves, I write. Maybe for my healing, or at least sorting our thoughts and feelings. Maybe to encourage someone, or even to educate, although I don't know that I have any words or thoughts to do such. But nevertheless these are my thoughts.

I am so sick of hearing about this being about "race". Before you dismiss me, hear me out. People grow up hearing and believing that some people are somehow less human. It's probably not put so bluntly, but the message is there. More is caught than taught, right? Jokes are made and skin color often carries the punchline, thus exacerbating our differences. "A white guy, a black guy, and a Mexican walk into a bar..." Have you heard that one? Maybe you heard the version with "racial slurs" in lieu of skin color and country of origin. These widen the gap and deepen the wounds.

Back to me being tired of hearing about racism. I subscribe to a Christian worldview in which the Bible is heralded as being God's word of instruction, encouragement, wisdom, and rebuke. In the Bible it is plainly understood that there is ONE race, not many as is often taught in schools and churches as we grow up. We are all descendants of Adam, all descendants of Noah. 

God created humanity. 

We construct race; in so doing we are deconstructing humanity.

And I'm tired of us teaching it to our children. It is a detriment to them and the demise of our society.

People have asked me if I'm concerned about my kids marrying interracially. I like to shock people sometimes. I exclaim, “Yes! I strictly forbid interracial marriage.” Before they begin to drool out of their gape-jawed stare, I finish by telling them that my kids are only allowed to marry humans. By that point the conversation has morphed into a rant in which I try to mask my anger while explaining the one race thing. I imagine most people think it’s a cute that I’m passionate about something and go on about their life.

Oh well.

These issues, these shootings, these murders, the police brutality aren’t about race. It is a great deal about ignorance. Ignorance is the garden where fear grows. And hatred is its fruit. Those who have been fed the fruit of hatred choke, beat, hang, and shoot their fellow human beings. Those who have been fed the fruits of fear also disrespect authority, break laws, loot, riot, and attack.

These roots run deep in our humanity. Until we recognize it for what it is, things will not change for the better.

God help us.

Thanks for reading.

ryan

An update on each.

Hello all!

It's been over a year since I last blogged, so I figured it was high time I dropped a line...or two. Most of the time when I write there's something in mind I want to say, but this time I'm not sure. I figure an update on each member of our immediate family should take up enough room. (wink)

I'll assume some of you may not know about all the recent transitions and thus begin with our current living situation. The Walling family is is closing on a house this Friday in North Richland Hills, a suburb situated just northeast of Fort Worth. I am now serving as Student Pastor at the First Baptist Church of Hurst where I have been warmly and quickly accepted as family. That is one thing Jessica and I have been blessed with - churches who are family. From our home church of Fair Park (for which there is no replacement), we never believed we'd find a church to call home, but Wedgwood and Hulen Street during our time at Southwestern were delightful places of love and growth. Then our dear, sweet Anderson Mill. The love and affection poured out in us as we walked new paths was unmatched and undeserved. And now, as He did with Abram, God has brought us to a place that He showed us. First Hurst is a wonderful place. It beams with joy and gladness, yet fits like an old coat. It is glorious. Well, maybe more on that some other time. Suffice to say, I am excited about many years to come with this team of pastors and this family of believers.

Jessica has fallen into the role of mom of six like...something that falls quickly...and GRACEFULLY! Goodness, she rarely has time to stop and realize all she does, but the girl is totes legit. This move up here has been tough for several reasons besides that moves are difficult. The main thing being that we moved into the church's mission residence. We are so extremely grateful for God's provision and the church's graciousness. Thanks to them we've not had to find rentals, deal with leases, etc. And the house is rather roomy for a three bedroom, two bath home. But we have a rather large family and a 3/2 is...snug. All that to say, I believe Jessica will lay down and make carpet angels in every room of our new home. There will be plenty of room for her to do so if she so desires.

Solomon is playing football and loving it. He's making friends and always wanting to go somewhere. He just finished a game tonight in which he scored 3 touchdowns. He is very quickly becoming a strong and handsome young man. I pray he stays humble and kind. (note to self: wrestle him several more times before he can beat you)

Rahel will need a dose of humility too because she is beautiful. I know boys want to date her and that won't change, but I pray she allows her daddy to hold her heart until the right man comes along. She loves music and has decent taste in it, but as so many do she falls victim to the faddish boy bands and teeny bopper noise that will be forgotten with gauges and YOLO.

Yoseph is doing well. He adjusts quickly. I heard someone recently refer to a certain temperament child as "momma's heartbeat". That sort of defines Yoseph most of the time. He's a sweet kid with a sweet disposition. He forgets to take out the trash because he is too into his TV show or off riding his bike with a friend, but I'm glad he is blessed to do such things.

Eyasu is what many would call "all boy", a phrase which I dislike because it implies that boys that are not like him are less male, but you get the meaning. We practice the art of silence often. He's not very good at that type of art. He is very good at making friends. And he loves to help around the house and with the babies.

Evie is a chatterbox, but only a fraction of what she says is decipherable to humans. She is quite fluent in "woof-woof" and "meeeoooww". She is in Spouts, a wonderful two-day-a-week preschool at our church. She currently is obsessed with me currently...which I love and hate. I love it because I love her enthusiasm when she sees me and I know I'll miss it one when it's over. I hate it that she consumes so much of me that the others deserve. But man, she's a peach.

Kee is about as happy of a baby as you'll meet. Big fat cheeks and the funniest laugh. It's more of a cackle really. And she says "dada" and "mama" and few other things. Crawling everywhere, pulling up, but not yet walking. She has these bright blue eyes that grow with intensity when she laughs hard. She hates to be held and would rather be down on the floor. She sprays her food at us like The Great Kabuki. (note self: Christmas present idea for Jess, Hazmat suit)

And I'm great, thanks for asking. And...


Thanks for reading.

We will do the walking

Jessica is due in December. There I said it. I didn't really know how to start and I know several people already know this information, but some do not. This came as a surprise; not an accident. A surprise. There are no accidents if God is sovereign.

Now that that's out of the way, the pump is primed for what else I want to say. First, I'll tell everyone what's going on with the pregnancy (Jessica and the baby's health). Then, I'll rant about something that is really under my skin.

The update. Jess is 27 weeks and has been monitored very closely since Evie was born 2 months premature. She's in the hospital even as I type. We went in last night because she was having contractions pretty steadily. The extent of my knowledge concerning health runs dry quite quickly so I'll say as little as possible. She's better now and will hopefully be coming home tomorrow. Magnesium slowed the contractions, steroids and antibiotics were administered as a backup plan. Our target date is October 12th. That's 32 weeks. If she makes it to then I get to take her out to dinner. Pray to that end. Maybe they'll be questions that I've left unanswered, but I'll try to keep Facebook updated with bits and pieces. Or follow me @ryanwalling on Twitter.

The rant. Life is hard. Our life is pretty difficult currently. I say that with some hesitation because there is always someone worse. Who am I to complain? I don't deserve the grace I'm given. I deserve no joy, only suffering. But I am human. And pain is painful. Some people who've not taken the time to think through their own thoughts and motivations hear of our current status and offer unsolicited prescriptions. Usually I hear this through others. It's not often someone has the gall to say things to the face being spoken about. They say things about maybe we shouldn't've adopted and our lives wouldn't be so tumultuous. They probably don't use words like tumultuous though. Or maybe they spout about using a form of contraceptive and this sort of thing wouldn't happen. These poor souls have not taken the time to consider what it is they are worshipping. Most probably show up on Sunday to sing and hear a sermon. Some even raise their hands and take notes. But they've missed the Gospel. Or forgotten it.

Pat Robertson is catching some flack because of a string of unthoughtful comments he's made as of late. I'll paraphrase, but check for yourself. He said a few months back that people may not should adopt because the children may be flawed and cause discomfort in your life. You just never can tell about orphans. Weeks later he told a man he would be justified in divorcing his wife who has Alzheimer's. She can no longer truly be his wife - performing her obligations to him and what not. And most recently he mentioned that moving to Saudi Arabia might be an option for a man getting his wife in line. There you could beat her into submission. I'm glad Jesus didn't mind the trouble I'd be when He adopted me into His family. And I'm glad He doesn't leave me when I'm unable or unwilling to perform my obligations. And I'm glad he doesn't beat me into submission. Instead grace wins the day.

To those who think we should have chosen an easier route. To those who believe that life should be training to reign. To those who would rather just avoid the difficult things and live life to the fullest. To those who don't know or misuse scripture to justify a self-righteous position. To those? You've missed the Gospel. The Gospel is dirty. Scandalous even! And God's love toward His children is steadfast. Terrifying even! That holy God would offer Himself as a sacrifice to buy me back from my own filth and cleanse me by joining His Spirit to mine...never giving up on me, continuing on at all cost to make me into His likeness because He knows that His likeness means completeness and that is all that bring true and lasting joy. This hope I have is grounded solidly and wrapped intricately throughout God's word. It is this. That He will use any means necessary to form me into what will ultimately be my eternal joy. Suffering and trials will come. There is little earthly prosperity in this Gospel. The only name-it, claim-it here belongs to God alone. I'm grateful for the bruising. Hard as it may be because I know all things will work out for the good of those who love Him.

First Peter has these words, "Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled..." It goes on to tell us to always be ready to defend that for which you've been called and defend it I will. The problem lies in that it tells me to do so with gentleness. I don't always like being gentle. So, I'll refer to James who tells his adherents to be first pure, then peaceable.

I like Robert Frost. He wrote, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." Jess and I have not chosen an easy road. One might say the road chose us. I'd rather like to think God chose us for this road. And He has and will continue to equip us for the various obstacles we will conquer. We will conquer because God does the choosing and the equipping. We will do the walking.


Thanks for reading.

If I had a magic wand, which I don't...

I've stayed away from blogging because I didn't want to blog at an extreme. And that seems to be where I stay as of late. On the corner of delight and destruction is where I live. Routine is a mythical figure like Bigfoot or Nessie. It's a dream that has faded to the point of my barely being able to remember its existence, or if I really dreamed it at all. Balance is a beautiful something that the Olympians achieve, but is out of reach for commoners like me. But a guy can hope, right?

Even as I type I'm not sure what I want to say. Several have asked why we haven't blogged so this is in part out of obligation. I've also many times bottled up a yell or screamed into my brain so maybe this is a cathartic vent. A wringing out of my grey matter. And you know the adage "It takes a village...", well, maybe someone has the golden ticket and desires to dispense some wisdom. Anyhow.

Parenting is the most difficult thing I've ever done. I think I can speak that for Jessica too. We (mostly she) get asked one hundred and six questions before 9am. One day we gave them each 10 popsicle sticks and every question they asked they had to give us a stick. When they ran out of sticks, they ran out of questions they could ask. Breakfast was silent. It was nice. The whining is incessant. No matter what's for breakfast someone isn't pleased. Regardless what we have planned for the day there will be discord. It's a repetitive cycle: question, answer, whine, question, answer, whine. Ad infinitum.

If I had a magic wand, which I don't, but if I did I would...I would...ummm...probably give myself more patience and understanding. More wisdom. I mean, sure, I'd love to change their situation and give their biological mom her life back and reorder their family, but let's be real. I need to change me. I can only change me. God help us all.

Overall, we've seen much improvement. They're adjusting quite well. You have to imagine how difficult it would be! New language. Think for a moment of being thrust into a society where you only understood about 20% of what is being said. What if you couldn't communicate well enough to express your needs or feelings? Of course you would learn. And learn they have! But it was certainly grueling for a while. New parents. Jess and I have have carved out "our way" for well over a decade and now we are adding new people to the mix. Hard-headed people who also have their own way. We are all learning what true flexibility feels like. On top of that there's new foods, smells, texture, climate, people, music, rules, times, activities. The list goes on. But we are all adjusting. God is sovereign. God is good.

Parenting is the most joyous thing I've ever done. Before I begin here I want you to realize this is not a contradiction of my previous statement. The harder the work, the greater the reward. If you think about this it's true...

The summer after my senior year I worked for Jessica's dad. He owns an asphalt paving company. Hardest/hottest work ever. I don't know if I was valiantly trying to win his favor or his daughter, maybe I was just foolish. I remember asking if I could have a job. We were standing in their drive way and this question was like the shifted carry-ons in the overhead bin. It just sort of fell out and hit us both. Totally caught us both off guard. He recovered in a few seconds with a smirk and an affirmative. I recovered three months later when classes started. But I digress. The point is this. The work was hot and it was hard. And I'm not a huge fan of canned peaches or ham and cheese or Capri Sun, but after working and sweating for several hours WHAT A REWARD to sit and eat these lunchbox delicacies! And then, at the end of the day to look back over a completed parking lot or driveway. Hard task = sweet reward.

So parenting is also joyous. The youngest two boys from time to time will say "I need love". They crawl into my lap and wrap themselves in my arms and I hum or just speak softly to them. Jessica and I get to teach constantly. How to do all kinds of things! From airing up a bike tire to cooking a meal. There are always teaching opportunities. And learning opportunities for us as well. I am seeing things in my self that I wish wasn't there. It's a constant battle to try to mold and shape our kids into what we know God desires for them to be, while at the same time trying to obliterate the bad things they pick up from us as well. But what a privilege! What an honor God has allowed us! To shape these young vessels into tools He can use! God help us all.

Parenting is also surprise after glorious surprise. We are shocked everyday at new words or phrases they've learned or a new talent they've acquired. Some days their generosity knocks us off our feet and other days they snatch and grab like they have nothing.

• I am surprised at how strong Solomon is getting. I need to wrestle him to the ground several times while I still can. (wink) Make sure he knows who's in charge! 
• Rahel can cook! Good! She wouldn't win an award for health in her culinary experiments, but she will hopefully combine what she knew from Ethiopia and learn more from my amazing bride and end up being an amazing creator in the kitchen. 
• It is crazy how quickly Yoseph picks things up! He seems to be a prodigy of sorts. Piano is his new venture. He just watches and replicates almost anything. 
• And Eyasu could be Amharic for surprise. He is the culmination of his older siblings actions it seems. He is strong, fast, athletic, smart. And always wants to be the center of attention. And most of the time he is. 
• Evie's teeth and hair are in a neck-and-neck race to see which will be in first. She is saying ma-ma and da-da. She impresses us continually. 
• And God in His wisdom has surprised us yet again. If it be His will our sixth child, third daughter, will be arriving in December!

Surprise after glorious surprise. He is good. He is sufficient. He is sovereign. He is worthy. He is peace and joy and love and mercy and grace. He is steadfast and never changing. He is always with us. He is patient. He forgives. He holds all things together and works all things for our ultimate good. He is the center of my worship. And I continually strive to place myself and my family at the center of His will. He is God. And I will serve Him.

Thanks for reading.

and then they sang

I’m on the flight home with four of the most beautiful and amazing kids and wishing I had journaled throughout the trip, but you’ll forgive me. You might understand I had a lot going on. I’ll do my best from memory.

Josh and I effortlessly got from DFW to DC. We saw some sights and ate the best Italian meal I’ve ever eaten. Having a history buff brother-in-law was a plus in DC. THe next morning we boarded the flight to Ethiopia. I did have one jerky TSA guy accuse me of not knowing water was liquid. I called fire down from heaven but it didn’t come so I just turned the other cheek. There was a crying child pretty much from DC to Addis. The flight attendants walked the baby around and held him. They were very helpful and sweet but nothing seemed to soothe. It wasn’t as nerve-racking as it may sound. God made someone smart enough to invent headsets. Thanks, God.

When we landed in Ethiopia it felt good. More pleasant then I remembered. Almost like coming home. Probably because 80% of my kids were there. Josh may or may not have been thoroughly freaked out by long lines of non-English speakers in a dimly lit, warmish airport. We sat for a while for him to recover. A doctor came, from the tarmac I think, to start an IV. I’m glad Josh didn’t punch him. At Josh’s refusal of unknown intravenous fluids he decided to bring “something for nausea” which ended up being a couple of barf bags. Same as my previous trip with Donnie, the driver was not there which only escalated feelings of discomfort for us both. Finally he arrived and we made it to Addis Flower Guest House to rest before picking the kids up.

A couple of hours of sleep turned into about 4. I desperately wanted to see my kids, but my body would not allow. It was all for the best because little rest would be had the rest of the trip. We went to the transition house where the kids have been for the past 4-5 months. They were so happy to see me (and vice versa)! Feelings that were pent up over half a year apart rushed back like 10,000 birds taking flight. We went back to the guest house and played and talked with other sweet families who were there. We all went to dinner together at Lime Tree Cafe. Except Josh he needed sleep, as he was not feeling well. Beds were a little tricky because I didn’t know what they would expect and be comfortable with. Eyasu slept on a mattress on the floor next to Rahel and Yoseph in one room. I shared a bed with my oldest son, Solomon. There were many firsts on this trip, mostly for them, but some for me. Before bed I got to say, “Ok, kids, let’s go brush our teeth and have prayer together.” I could barely make it through the prayer for choking back tears. The next night I would ask Solomon to pray in Amharic.

Tuesday we had the famous guest house eggs and coffee and headed off to shop. I let the kids pick out things that would remind them of their beautiful country and culture. It’s fun watching what they pick. It shows a little of their developing personalities. More on that later. After returning from shopping, a little rest and play, then we decided to go pick up food and bring back. It had been raining pretty hard and no one wanted to brave the weather with kids and babies in tow. The men would go pick up food from Amsterdam (the restaurant down the street, not the city to the northwest) and bring it back. [On a side note, Josh just informed me Amsterdam is a city, not a country, hence the reason I didn’t embarrass myself on accident, but rather instead was afforded the opportunity to confess my ignorance of geology. Ok, on with the show.] So we set off to do what men once did except we ordered off a menu rather than using a spear. Rahel wanted to come along which was a very pleasant surprise. I love opportunities to bond with my kids individually. I will continue to seek out these encounters. As we stepped across the threshold of the restaurant the electricity went out rendering half of the menu (many of the things we came for) unorderable. We ordered a bunch of random things that they could still cook and walked the dark street back to the guest house an hour and a half later. That night Eyasu requested to sleep with me and Solomon. Of course I said he could. And of course I knew I’d get very little sleep. Head, shoulders, knees, and toes...knees and toes. All night long. At about 4am I went and got in bed with Josh. Thanks brother, you’re the best.

Wednesday. We went to Entoto mountain to see a 700 year old church hewn from stone. Imagine a three-room cave and then add nothing. That’s what we saw. They had a newer replacement built which was...ummm...majestic isn’t quite the right word, but I don’t want to diminish its beauty. Inside people were praying and worshipping while gazing upon the unique Ethiopian paintings depicting stories from Scripture. It was a nice experience. Personally, I enjoyed the ride up there more than the church itself. Along the way we saw the best view of Addis that exists and kids selling things on the street. We gave them candy and gum. There are far too many beggars to give money to; we reserved giving out money for when we saw a beggar isolated or at least only a few together. After we came down the mountain we rode by Cora (a.k.a. the dump). See a previous blog for more info on that. Seriously. You need to know about the dump. We stopped at a store to buy some candy for the kids at the orphanage where our kids spent many months. After we had paid, Solomon pointed out some sort of nutra-wafers(?). I purchased them not knowing that they were nutritious teething snacks for babies until I saw him giving them out. What a heart! How thoughtful and mature! We went by to allow them to say goodbye to the kids who’ve yet to be adopted and the nannies who took care of them. Bitter and sweet for sure. That night we celebrated a newly adopted baby boy’s birthday with a coffee ceremony, cake, and a traditional Ethiopian restaurant. Singing and dancing and good food. I love watching my kids eat. I think I’ve mentioned that before. Eyasu slept back in the room with Rahel and Yoseph. Still didn’t get much sleep though. Tomorrow is embassy, visas, and airports. Oh my.

Thursday we were up early for our embassy appointment. It was really rather uneventful. The guy who interviewed us was young and talkative. He eased my mind quickly. He asked some questions, gave me some documents, and we were on our way. We got back in the van and then they sang. Now, Jessica and I have mentioned before what a beautiful voice Yoseph has and I know I’ve told you Rahel loves music, but I never heard her sing until the day we were leaving embassy. For a few unforgettable moments my oldest daughter put away her shyness and sang. With clarity she sang the most beautiful Amharic words my ears have ever heard. Yoseph quickly joined her, then Solomon. And Eyasu rounded out the chorus with his cute comedics. They all sang together. I don’t know what the song said but they all knew it and it was amazing. I’d like to imagine it was some song praising God for His goodness. We got back from embassy and picked up another couple who was there for court and went to the transition house. That couple had to leave their son behind and wait for their embassy appointment. I think I cried more than they did because I know how hard the wait can be. Solomon explained the process to the young boy whose family had to leave him there. It was sad but with Solomon’s help he understood and was comforted. My kids said goodbye to their friends and caretakers and this sweet couple said goodbye to their son. Heart-wrenching. We went shopping one last time and this time I gave my kids 100 birr each, about the equivalent of $5, to spend on things for themselves or gifts for others. We got an entire coffee set, some traditional paintings and wall hangings, spices, and other various sundries. Back at Addis Flower Guest House we wrapped and packed our things, several of which would be broken on the flight home. (sigh)

I was so ready to BE home, but wasn’t really ready to GO home. Who can look forward to some 30 hours in commute? It was rough for me. The kids sort of enjoyed the flight. And the airports themselves weren’t that bad. It was the lines of people to get through security and customs, baggages checks, and claims...with 4 kids! My brother-in-law proved quite useful. Have I mentioned that I’m glad I wasn’t alone in this? There were many firsts on that trip and the days following, and I’m sure plenty are yet to come. First time on a plane, first apple, first escalator, first time to pray together as a family, and this is the first of many blogs with our four beautiful kids home with us finally.

Thanks for reading.

we are crazy

Oh wow! Elation isn't a word I often use, nor does it really express what's going on inside of us right now.

We got word this morning that we are cleared for an embassy appointment. We are currently waiting on the exact date but it will be either the 10th, 11th, or the 16th. After that I will travel back here with 4 of the most beautiful kids I've ever seen. Jessica and I just got to Skype with them to tell them that I would be there in the next week to get them and bring them home. I wish I knew what they were feeling. They smiled and said they were happy. They seemed giddy. But certainly there has to be some fear. Some sadness. Some anxiety over the unknown. I pray our love will cover those feelings. I pray God will give them His peace abundantly and everlasting.

Over the last few weeks leading up to this I have had much of those fears and anxieties. My joy and assurance has in no way been squelched, but those wretched "what-ifs" are a pesky breed. Jessica and I have prepared in every way we know how for every possible scenario. After we've read, researched, and talked to others we push back that particular possible dilemma, knowing we'll deal with it if/when it arises. All of those have bubbled back up in me and caused me to wonder if we prepared enough and for the correct things. It took several friends' wise words and several days to sink in: families aren't perfect.

I have an idol. One I am currently trying to demolish. One that I think most of us have. One I think goes virtually unnoticed and unattended to. An idol that is given to us slowly like an IV drip through pop culture and mass media outlets. It's the perfect family, or at least one that looks that way. All of my anxieties and fears were based on others perception of us.

I want people to think we have it together. But we don't. None of us do. We're a mess and yet God loved us where/how we were. He is the One to right the wrongs, fix the shortcomings, and repair our nature.

I want people to think we're not crazy. But we are crazy. What we're doing is not complimentary to the American dream. It's counter-cultural. It values children over homes, cars, jobs, money, success, etc. It measures happiness on a different scale. Our Father was crazy to sovereignly adopt us into His family as His children. That's nuts! It's a messy family. Ours will be too.

I want my kids to be smart, funny, happy, successful, etc. But they may not be. At least not according to the world's standard. God values our holiness above our happiness; I want our values for our kids to align with His values for His kids.

I don't want to elevate comfort and niceties over Christlikeness and Kingdom treasure. Actually it's my nature to do so. I want to. I want a better everything. I choose to fight that desire for the sake of the gospel. To show Christ's all-suffieciency I will try to fight my nature while the culture feeds it.

To my fears, people have offered that God is always with us, never leaves us, works all things for good, etc. I don't doubt any of this. I believe it. But where my belief ends and my unbelief begins is a thin line that says "He's there, but He's not enough." Truth mixed with lies, just like in the garden. "God, You're all I need plus my salary." "God, all I need is you plus _____." What would you fill in the blank with? Money, health, kids, friends, happiness...the list of things we need lengthens.

I want to believe He is all I need. So I war. War with me. Give yourself away for the sake of others. Give away your stuff for the sake of the gospel. At the end I believe we will find God. And that He is all we need.

Thanks for reading.

You know the routine.

There's an old addage that no news is good news. That's bunk. At least with adoption, no news is NO NEWS. Waiting is difficult. People ask often if we've heard anything and our answer seem to remain the same a lot more than it changes. My pat answer is "still waiting". Jess and I were talking about it the other night, how often we get asked. I think it averages about once per day. Sometimes more. When I stop and think about it, I'm glad people ask. But sometimes it feels like the question "How ya doin'?" You know the routine. You pass someone in the hall, nod and ask how they're doing. They say, "Fine. And you?" You tell them you're good and you both go on your merry way. Neither of you really think about the question. And likely neither of you answered honestly. It's not that you don't care. You do. Maybe. But that rhetoric has become so commonplace in our culture that our mouths are used to speaking it and our ears are used to hearing it. "Any news on the kids?" has become that for me. I hear it so often and repeat the same negative response so quickly...it's just habit for me.

Well, we have news!

I got an email the other day confirming that the embassy is calling in our kid's aunt for an interview. This is standard procedure and is part of the investigation to make sure that the closest living relative is aware they are being adopted and in fact will permit it. She has told our attorney already, but this is more official. So if she shows up and says the same thing she's said before then we should be cleared to travel! Her appointment is scheduled for April 2nd. Based on past families experiences we may get to travel within 3 or 4 weeks after that date! Can you believe that? We can't. Our kids, God willing, could be home by late April or sometime in May!

This is no guarantee. It could be longer. There could be more investigation. Who knows? You'll forgive my pessimism. We've waited a long time and had lots of hiccups along the way. I cope by trying not to let my hopes soar too high. But they are up there. I can't help it.

We get to Skype with them sometimes. About once or twice a month. When the transition house internet works and they happen to be on and we happen to be on, we Skype. It's in and out. Sort of frustrating. But their sweet voices and smiles are all we need to refill our tanks with hope and love and impatience. It's heart-wrenching too. They always ask when we're coming to get them. It's a realization that they spend their days waiting. They wake up wondering when we'll be there and go to bed thinking maybe tomorrow. There is not a day goes by I don't think of them, pray for them, stare at their picture, tell others about them. But I am able to distract myself. I mean, I stay busy with ministry. Evie keeps us in stitches. But they wait. I suppose it's a blessing they have each other. It's got to be tough. They've been in a state of transition for the last few years. I guess we all have.

Evie brings so much joy though. She truly is a measure of grace. An example of God's goodness, mercy, and joy. If I just still myself and think about that for a moment tears flow. We don't deserve her, yet she is here. I can't explain it. I don't know why He gave her to us. I only ask God to help me love her and lead her properly.

Her new thing is bouncing in this baby bungee thing. You know that thing in the mall. You pay someone to tie bungee cords to your waste while you jump on a trampoline and do flips. They make a home version for babies, minus the flips. And Evie loves it! She wears a huge open mouth smile and makes this deep laugh sort of sound with every lunge. Her feet actually don't reach the ground so it wasn't much for her to just hang there. Apples To Apples, the board game, has found a home under there. Now we're live!

Jessica has her on a workout routine. She bounces for 15 minutes 4 times a day. We call them four-a-days. She pukes and then keeps going. I'm kidding. Put down the phone. You don't know the number to CPS by heart anyway.


Thanks for reading.

7 of 7 - Other things of note:

As I type these I am on the first leg of the flight and I feel like I'm on one of those hidden camera TV shows where unknown actors try to get you to yell or cuss at them or they pay you. I was stuck between a guy whose halitosis is strong enough to seep through his cheeks and a guy who has a rash on his face that itches. Thankfully bachelor number one is being amused by an inflight movie and bachelor number two has decided to quarantine himself entirely under his blanket. On the downside he snores. And both passengers apparently need the whole armrest plus the four inches that ends at my flanks.

Ethiopia is one of the most beautiful places. The countryside is serene and goes on for feels like forever.

The shower downstairs at the guest house has two settings: freshly melted arctic glacier water or Satan's teapot.

You can buy OxyContin over the counter but finding a throat lozenge is nearly impossible. Three different times we walked into the grocery store where there is glass case FULL of FreeGels, which is Amharic for Halls. Every time they told us no one was there to work the counter. Morning and night. "No one is here" they would say pointing behind the counter. Yes, I realize that Sherlock but do you think since you're not doing anything you could hand me one or two packs of those menthol candies??? No chance.

Solomon likes futbol, Aresenal Club and the color blue. He wants a bike. He takes care of Eyasu a lot. He pesters him some too. He can go from stoic to silly faster than you can...do something that doesn't take long to do. My prayer for him is that he relinquishes his leadership role over the kids that has been thrust upon him and is able to enjoy being a boy while he still can. I want him to ride bikes and play sports and be silly. Later on I want him to be a leader agin. One who cares for and serves others in the name of Christ.

Rahel loves music. Her favorites are going to be a problem: Rihanna, etc. I may have gotten her hooked on Lecrae. she like the color blue. She speaks very softly and is timid with her English but I think she understands better than any of them. She would love to have an iPhone. She's hopeful. I'm doubtful. My prayer for Rahel is that she would trust me to guard her heart and protect her. I hope she allows me to be a part of her decisions. From who is worthy to marry all the way down to the music she chooses to listen to.

Yoseph is a singer with a beautiful voice. His face fills with joy when he sings. I love to hear him talk. I love when he says "papa". He likes karate and is really quite strong. He doesn't demand attention but always welcomes it. He'd like an iPad. Not happening anytime soon. I pray Yoseph would use his incredible gift to honor God. I pray his kind heart is protected until we can bring him home. I hope God will sustain his joy and that it will overflow onto those who are around him.

Eyasu is the funny monkey. He is 90% silly and 100% sweet. And he will be a handful. He kisses me on both cheeks and the forehead several times a day. Sometimes my hand, or my neck, or my hair gets sugar too. He likes to cuddle and craves attention. He also likes anything his older siblings are doing. For Eyasu I ask God to guard his heart from bad influences. Keep him childlike even through adultlike circumstances. I hope his sense of humor and love of fun fuels our entire family for decades to come.

They all have such gentle spirits. I'm sure there are times they get at each other but you can tell they genuinely love one another. Going through what they've gone through together yields a wonderful closeness. Mostly I pray they would all become what God intends for them- His children, adopted finally and eternally into His family.

Ethiopian coffee can be used as an alternative fuel source. I'm quite certain one gallon could power a New York city block for 72 years. It's good stuff. I dread going back to the flavored water you all are currently suffering through.

New update on bachelor number two. He is now using our shared armrest as support for his buttocks. I'd take a picture but the other passengers would think odd thoughts.

When I was waiting to be called in for court I met a coule adopting three little girls. They actually have a ministry there in Addis. It's called Transformation Love. They work with the outcast at Cora. If you'd like to know more about Cora and how you can help check out their website. It's a Christ-like thing they are doing and I'm certain some of you reading this are feeling a tug that direction.

Thanks for reading.

6 of 7 - Last day (Thursday):

As I board the plane the clean air is refreshing and missed as it is not found in Addis. But there is an ache, my kids are not with me and I will not see them for too long. We packed our things in a mad rush because we remembered our flight time incorrectly. By "we" I mean "I". I thought it was 8:30pm when in fact it was 7:30pm. When we got to the guest house from returning the kids to the orphanage the ladies were preparing the coffee ceremony in full. We observed it in passing, offering as much time and genuine curiosity as our crisis would allow. The coffee was truly the best I've ever had. In a coffee ceremony they start with fresh green coffee beans and end with piping hot coffee that would make the naked Starbucks lady ball up into the fetal position and weep. They roast the beans over coals, grind them in a bowl-thing with a nob-thing both of which I'm sure have names. With fuel in our belly we rushed to and through the airport and made it with an hour to spare. Better to be safe than sorry. But I'm getting ahead of my self. Let's talk about the day.

Today was a good last day. Last night was the first full night of sleep I got. By full I mean I only had to wake up to blow my nose and drink water and cough a few times. Donnie and I had breakfast together at the guest house. Fresh scrambled eggs, bread, and coffee that could walk. It's thicker than Ving Rhames and about the same color. I think the coffee would win in arm wrestling though. They make it fresh every morning by going through the steps in the coffee ceremony only probably less ceremoniously.

We went shopping at lots of little...inlets? The people were very pushy, like at The Buckle. We bought Solomon and Rahel some shoes that didn't fit to replace the ones that didn't fit. I'll come back to that. We bought traditional garb for me and Jessica and all the kids, Evie included. It'll be asurprise. I'm really excited about this! We bought coffee pots, daggers, wooden animals, and other similar essentials. I also bought these cool bracelets made of leather, rope, and beads. Jessica has been looking for something for us all to have, to create unity and a sense of family. I think it's a good idea. When I presented it to them later in the day, I showed them I had one for mommy and Evie. They laughed at the idea of Evie wearing it. Maybe we'll attach it to her car seat. Alozar, our driver, is bargaining like a champ. I can't understand what is being said but I'm quite sure he works these shopkeepers.

On our way to get the kids we saw the saddest thing I have seen to date: Cora(sp?). It is a trash heap that stretches for what would be several city blocks, maybe a mile. There are buzzards circling overhead, eyes alert looking for food. The stench is unbearable, like nothing you could imaging. And there among this filth there are human beings in tattered cloths searching for anything edible. Some are old and decrepit. Some are mere children. Some have babies bound to their backs. All are outcasts, not welcome in the city. Banished here due HIV or aids or leprosy. They are the poorest of the poor. Is theirs the kingdom of Heaven. I pray so. I'll provide information on how to help in the last post titled "Other Things of Note".

Afterward we went to pick up the kids. They are glad to see us. I am sad it is our last day but I'll try to stay upbeat. Solomon and Rahel try on their shoes and we head back to the market to trade them out. Solomon found some he liked and they cost a lot more. Alozar worked his magic and I paid a little more. I would've paid the first price asked. I love making my kids happy. That'll prove to be a problem I'm sure. We went back to Rahel's shoe store and they didn't have her size. The guy was getting loud and being ugly. Rahel seemed to be wilting; she is uncomfortable. I just want to pay whatever and get her out of here. I interrupted the verbal battle and told Alozar to make sure Rahel is ok. He said she told him she doesn't want to cause me any trouble. It's no trouble sweetheart. I want to provide for you. All of you. Alozar wants him to let us return them for a refund since he doesn't have a decent shoe in her size. She found some and said they were ok but I know she doesn't like them. Plus the guy wants 100 more bir(?), roughly five dollars. I don't want to pay more for a shoe she doesn't like. I would've gladly paid more if she liked them but I wanted her to be pleased. He ended up giving us back a little more than two-thirds of what we paid and we went elsewhere. She quickly found some other shoes and we were on our way to the guest house. Just as a side note, she wasn't being picky. All the guy had in her size heels and flats and loafers and such. She needs tennis shoes.

We walked up to Kaldi's for lunch and ice cream, which in Amharic is ice cream. We laughed and gave our best shot at communication. Eyasu lapped at his ice cream like a puppy. It was fun. On our way back to the guest house we took pictures and held hands and laughed. As I type this the recent memories of laughter brings bitter sweet tears. The joy of my time with them, passing court, and thoughts of the return trip. The bitterness of the distance and time that will soon lay between us.

At the guest house we realize our flight leaves an hour earlier than we thought. That means we have to pack up and return the kids. We won't have much time at the orphanage to kiss all the other kids goodbye. I think the only regret of the whole trip is on the ride back to the orphanage. Yoseph sat on the front seat and I didn't get to hold him and love on him for those last few moments. I sat in the back with my arm around Rahel and Eyasu in my lap listening to music on my iPhone. After awhile I moved up to sit with Solomon. We talked as best we could. Smiles and laughter communicate a lot. Eyasu moved up after a few minutes and started a tickle fight between the three of us. It was great fun. I just pray Yoseph didn't feel left out.

Arriving at the orphanage I kissed them and held them tightly before we went in the gate. In there all the kids want your attention. Once inside I gave all our leftover candy to the workers to distribute as they wanted to. They may eat all, I don't know. I gave the kids some Starburst and a glow bracelet. Rahel led me to her favorite spot, the baby room, again. It was there she started crying. With the workers we took pictures, most of them revealing Rahel's sadness. I didn't break until we headed back down the stairs. I had gathered myself once we reached the bottom (it's a lot of steps). I lost it again with the final hugs. I whispered in my kids ears that I'd be back to get them. God, please speed.

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." Jesus said that.

5 of 7 - Day 4 (Wednesday):

The sore throat and stuffy head is getting the best of me. I fake it all day as best as possible in front of the kids and crash hardcore at night. It's like Jekyll and Hyde. During the day I'm the nice one. I don't think I'm stark raving mad at night, just quiet.

Today we pick up the kids and take them to what's known as the gorge. It's similar to the grand canyon. Maybe not quite as big but certainly grand in its own right. It was a few hours drive to get there. As we drive Solomon lets us know that the countryside reminds him of their home, Waliso. It gives me some satisfaction knowing something new about my children. On the way we play games on the iPad and talk and stare out the windows. It is breathtaking. There is a shepherd boy that can't be older than five. I know I often exaggerate (it makes for good writing), but not this time. He is a tiny little thing with some sort of cane whip in his hand and no adult in sight. And you can see for miles out here.

Once we arrive at our destination we eat traditional Ethiopian food. Another joy is watching my kids eat. They're so good at it! I'm admiring myself having not dropped anything in my lap and then it happens. (sigh) The red meaty chili-like substance seeps into the fibers of my new jeans and I glimpse my materialistic nature. I'm seated at a table with one of my best friends and my oldest four children in a landscape of God's amazing artistry and I'm focused on my jeans. Shame on me. I turn my attention back to my kids and won't look at the stain again.

The view is amazing. We are sitting 10 feet from an indention in the earth large enough to lose Rhode Island in. Sorry RI, you always get picked on for being small. Words are lost on moments like this. The food is great. The company is best of all. My kids come alive in the outdoors. Maybe it's the tremendous amounts of pollution in the city. Maybe it's the high walls of the orphanage. I don't know but my heart longs to free them once and for all. Don't get me wrong the orphanage is not a terrible place. It's actually pretty nice by Ethiopian standards. But it's still an orphanage. Dozens of kids but very little room to play. Lots of caring nannies but no parents. It's still an orphanage.

After we were done eating we make our way down to the Portuguese Bridge. It's a bridge built of clay and ostrich eggs over 400 years ago. I don't know. That's what they tell us. It looks like archaic cement to me. It's a rocky walk with changing slopes and shifting stones to get down to it. I take the opportunity to hold my daughter's hand. She is wearing flip flops...so like a girl. Solomon and Yoseph are way ahead of us, scaling the terrain like surefooted mountain goats. We cross the bridge and make our way down to the pools of water. The older boys bound ahead making for some difficult leaps for little Eyasu and flip-flopped Rahel. I am happy to help them across the difficult jumps. I hope they'll always trust papa to help them across the difficult jumps. Rahel reaches down into one of the pools and attempts to splash Solomon and Yoseph. She missed with the majority of the water but it still got their attention. We laughed and frolicked. Frolicking is fun when you have good frolickers with you. No one should frolick alone. Back up to the top and a few last pictures in front of the beautiful gorge and we are on our way back.

Part of the way back I listened to music with Rahel and then moved to sit with Solomon and Yoseph. They fell asleep in my lap. It occurred to me that I don't have enough lap space. I'll have to work on that. We drop them off and head to the guest house and on to dinner at Lime Tree. Donnie will have the veggie pizza and ginger lime tea. I'll try what he had last night, margherita pizza with a sprite to wash it down. It actually took two sprites to wash it down. I don't recommend the pizza at Lime Tree. I tried to redeem the meal buy having piece of cake. Not a good idea. The cake was mealy and dry. If an establishment can't do pizza decently there's a good chance their cakes wouldn't win any awards. Now on to our nightly routine at Jupiter hotel for wifi conversations with friends and family. Donnie will have a pot of coffee and I will drink two glass bottled Sprites. Always a good ending.

4 of 7 - Day 3 (Tuesday):

Well, by now you probably know we passed court! But what you don't know are the details and a wiseman once said "the best tales are in the details". Actually I just made that up.

I pull myself up after very little sleep. I'm excited and scared about court. And I've got a terrific cold to accompany me. Yay. I'll devour breakfast with a bunch of other house guests. Eggs, bread, and that amazing Ethiopian fresh brew. I let Donnie sleep because I may have kept him up throughout the night hacking. Turnabout's fair play; he used to snore like sawing logs.

Dereje wasn't there and that made me a little nervous. I heard so many good things about him, I really wanted him there. He knew our case and I had some questions. They sent a replacement. Blah. We didn't see eye to eye. He was an inch taller than me.

Court was a bit anticlimactic. We're in a room full of foreigners trying to adopt kids and are being called in in groups according to the orphanage we are adopting from. Ours was near the end. The room was almost cleared by the time we were allowed into the mysterious single grey door. Inside are two desks and three ladies. The one in charge rattles off something in what I assume is Amharic while the other two write furiously. The lady in charge was beautiful in a strong governmental sort of way, like Lady Liberty or Judge Judy (see sarcasm). She was a softer Condoleeza. She asked a few questions of me and the other couple "Have you read up on international adoption?...Do you know a bit about Ethiopian culture?...Will you allow the children to know their heritage?...Is your family supportive of this adoption?...Do you understand that this is final when I sign this paper?" In the end Condi said everything was in order for us and we passed. I guess I expected song and dance, but a graceful nod and smile will suffice.

We are headed back toward the guest house stopping at several locations to try and find some throat lozenges. This is no small task in Ethiopia. I've been told twice now that they are no longer on the market. Two gentlemen in line in front of me at one pharmacy are purchasing OxyContin and Loratabs over the counter. They can buy narcotics but I can't purchase menthol-flavored candy? What gives?

I met with Dereje that afternoon. He is very nice. Explained everything. Answered questions. Completely patient. It was a little weird that he was wearing a scarf when it was over 80 degrees outside but whatever floats your boat.

On our way back to the guest house, yet again, and this time in need of a nap. We slept about an hour and then head to the orphanage to visit the kids for a bit. I'm excited to tell them the good news of our passing court. I'm not sure if they understand the process all that well but certainly my excitement is evident. I spent much of my time in the baby room with Rahel. Donnie played downstairs with lots of kids. I knew I needed to and wanted to go back down and spend time with others but it's hard to get away when one of your kids is enjoying you so. We hung our heads out of the top floor window. She shouts greetings at people she knows (and maybe some she doesn't) down on the street and she pointed out different buildings visible from there. There's quite a lot one can see from the fourth floor of the orphanage.

Alas, it was time I had to go. We went back down a couple of flights and met Solomon on his way up. They brought me into the playroom where Rahel's best friend was watching a movie. We stayed there for a while. Solomon and I went onto the balcony and talked before returning to the bottom to rejoin the others. We played a bit longer and then left. Court and all it entailed ate a good piece of the day.

For dinner we are trying Lime Tree. I'll have the spaghetti with a ginger lime tea. The spaghetti is quite good. Nothing extravagant but good cafe style spaghetti. The ginger lime tea is strong enough to remove paint from the wall. It burns my sore throat in a really good way. We'll come back here tomorrow night, drawn by this tea, yet our experience will not be the same.

3 of 7 - Day 2 (Monday):

There are about 5 families at the guest house and one of the guys I met at a conference a few months ago. He's here picking up his little boy. Seeing a familiar face 9,000 miles from home is strange as it is delightful. People gather for breakfast or maybe sit and chat on the porch or in the living area throughout the day. It's a fun atmosphere and some wonderful people. I didn't make it to breakfast every morning. I blame the cold that kept me up several nights.

I was ready to spend more time with my kids so we go to get them up from the orphanage to bring them to the guest house. We arrive at the orphanage and they are at school so we drive over to the school and they show us around. It is dilapidated. This is what I pictured the orphanage being like. Thank You God that it's not. Small cinder block rooms, 50 or 60 square feet, with concrete or dirt floors might have 10 or 12 babies sleeping in a pile. This is a day care. They are happy for me to meet theirteachers and I enjoy getting to see into a different part of their lives. Rahel was not at school; she was getting her hair done. Since we are going back to the orphanage to wait on Rahel the teachers send the rest of the kids with us so they won't have to walk back. It's about a five minute drive. That would make for a pretty long walk, not to mention the age of the children and the nature of the traffic. If you've ever been to a third world country you may have a grasp of the traffic. If not imagine New York with half of the streets being unpaved. The drivers obey less rules. Take away traffic lights. Add dozens of farm animals and you're getting close.

We are headed back to the guest house with our four lovely children in tow. Donnie and Yonatin walk back up to get lunch for all of us. In the meantime,

Solomon is playing basketball with Kilintin (Clinton), another young man being adopted who is with his soon to be family at the guest house. Eyasu and Yoseph kick the soccer ball around or rock in the chair on the front porch. I call them all together and give them their clothes that Jessica sent. All fits well

except Solomon’s and Rahel’s shoes. Bummer. Papa will fix it. Still waiting for the food, Yoseph wanted to play a game so I got out Jenga. We play for a little

while and then I let Gavatchu (Clinton’s brother) take my spot. Rahel is hanging out with the ladies that stay behind the guest house. I don’t quite know how all this works but they cook and clean and watch kids. They are super sweet. She is enjoying talking to them so I don't want to pull her away. I am jealous. I wish I could carry on these conversations with my kids that other people have. The communication is not quite there yet. One day. Soon.

The food arrived. Donnie and I have pizza or something like it. It has some strange shredded meat on it. I force myself to eat a couple of pieces. It's not that bad. I am enjoying watching my kids eat. Yonatin picked out some traditional Ethiopian food for the gang. They are really enjoying it. I love having a meal with them. It is a first. They laugh and talk and eat while I dream of us all being together around the table very soon. This all seems surreal. touched my pocket and said ‘phone?’ I knew I had the power to gain all their attention by allowing them to play games and music on my phone. But I had something better. I went to get the iPad and introduced them to Angry Birds. They played music on my phone and took rounds playing games on the iPad. After a little while I got paper and pens and colors and let them write letters and/or draw pictures for mommy. I colored four different pictures, one for each of them, that represented us as a family. I wrote essentially the same message on the back of each page: We love you so much. We are trying very hard to bring you home to us as soon as we can. Love, papa.

On the ride back to the orphanage they each have their own bench seat to themselves. I'm sitting next to Solomon. I ask, "Are you happy?” His response: yes. Then I ask if he wants to come live in the United States with us. Yes is again his answer. I move to each seat and ask the same two questions to each of the children and the answers are all the same. I kissed each one of them and spent a few minutes just sitting there with my arm around them. Rahel was on the last seat in the back. As soon as she said yes to coming to live with us she put her arm around my neck and pulled me in for a big kiss on the cheek. She beat me to it and I was so glad.

Tonight we have reservations to go have a traditional meal with a bunch of other adoptive families.

The restaurant is alive with music and dance. There's a guard at the door frisking the patrons. There must have been 30 of us in our group! The food was ok. Buffet style Ethiopian cuisine is probably better when you're with Ethiopians who can help you know what's what. Jenna, the girl next to me who is here with her brother who's adopting an astonishingly cute little boy, ended up with cow stomach on her plate. I almost ended up with the contents of my stomach on my plate. The music is great. A four-piece band playing instruments you've never seen and wearing traditional Ethiopian wardrobes is a sight and sound combination to take in. Add in traditional dancers and you've got a superb night. The male dancers are doing things with their shoulders that only high voltage electric shock can do. And the females do this head banging maneuver that combines 80's hair metal and a well worn bobble head doll. It would've put Willow Smith to shame.

Good day. Good night. Tomorrow is court.

2 of 7 - Day 1 (Sunday):

I am very nervous meeting the kids for the first time. It is a different nervous than meeting Evie. A newborn has no expectations. But our oldest four, what will they think of me? Weak or strong? Sissy or sensitive? Stupid or funny? I received strong hugs from them all. It was a bit strange, not the hugs, but the meeting in general. There are so many kids here vying for attention. They're all so sweet. I want to love on all of them but I also desperately want time with my four. I gave a BlowPop to each child who was old enough to have one and also gave one to the nannies. Throughout the day Eyasu climbed all over me. He is very affectionate. Yoseph stays pretty near me as well. Solomon is hanging next to the wall. Rahel was slow to come downstairs to meet me, but she was the first one I saw. She was standing on the balcony awaiting my arrival (at least that’s what I’d like to believe). Someone told me she was changing clothes, "getting pretty" before she came down and saw me. She didn’t need to “get pretty”, she is gorgeous. Her hug was the longest and tightest of all.

We play a variety of games with all the kids. Some of the kids want to show off a trick or talent. Each of them wants your eyes on them. Finally I'm going to attempt to pull it all together by taking turns jumping rope with a few of them. They all laugh as I fail miserably to jump a rope that is a few feet too short for me. They all took turns showing off their jump rope skills; I showed my ineptitude. We did cartwheels and karate and I picked the kids up in the air, starting a trend that would have lasted indefinitely. I noticed Donnie was showing some pictures and videos to some of the older kids so I used that opportunity to give my arms a much needed rest. We gathered around my phone and looked at pics and vids of Evie and Jessica. The kids laughed out loud at Evie's sweet smiles and yawns and at Jessica’s video message to them. They mocked her saying “y’all”. That was priceless.

I notice Rahel is not around so I make my way upstairs to find her. I told her I want her to see some videos and pictures so she walked down the stairs with me. As we were descending I mustered up some courage and put my arm around her. I didn’t know how she would respond. She grabbed my hand and wrapped it tighter around her. She leaned her head into my chest and that’s the way we walked until we reached the bottom floor. It couldn’t have been better.

We watched most all of the videos and pictures again with Rahel and she beamed. I am still beaming from our walk down the stairs.

1 of 7 - Our trip there:

I'll preface this initial post with a disclaimer that the following several posts have not been thoroughly edited. I tried. I cried. So they are somewhat in their raw form...

Some wonderful friends who live in Houston drove across town to pick up our car so we wouldn't have to pay to park it for a week. See, Donnie rode to Houston with Jessica's parents and I drove me and Jess and Evie. In Houston I traded my wife and youngest child for a traveling partner. They rode to Louisiana with her parents, my car went with friends, and Donnie and I boarded the plane. The opposite transaction will occur upon our return.

It was all somewhat uneventful. I hate removing my shoes to walk on tiled airport floors. I'm a slight germ-a-phobe. All that will soon go bye bye. We left Houston around 6:30pm on black Friday flying to Dubai. It struck me at some point that we were leaving our country on a day drenched with materialism to travel to country where poverty abounds. We were in the air about 14 hours and landed at around 7pm on Saturday. Crossing time zones is weird.

Donnie and I have less than 12 hours in Dubai so we'll ride the Metro to the Dubai Mall and the Burj Khalifa. Both are incredible sites. Look up the Burj tower. Crazy. We are staying at a hotel overnight in Dubai and will board a plane to Addis in the morning. Going from the airport in Dubai to the airport in Addis is serious transition. Someone is there to pick us up. He found us after only a few minutes and we were off to the guest house.

Drive time is very short so we didn't really see much of the city on that little trip but what we did see shocked us- at least some of it. I don't know if I expected the mountains. Rolling hills maybe but not full grown mountains. The land scape is beautiful. I also didn't expect the pollution. Jessica warned me. I didn't know the extent of it. We are talking about standing between a city bus and your grandpa's tractor on a windless day while they try to see who can rev their engine loudest. Burns the nostrils...and the throat...and the eyes. The rest I was prepared for. Hopefully one never gets used to seeing that level of poverty but I had seen it before in other countries I've visited. Animals and pedestrians on the street are nothing out of the ordinary in other parts of the world. One other thing was quite odd though. The trees there are purple. I'm kidding.

The guest house was close to what I thought it would be. Plain, humble, old, but clean. By the last day I will even allow my unshod feet to touch the floor. It is a gated two story house with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom downstairs along with a kitchen, dining, and living area. A spiral staircase leads to 3 more bedrooms and another bathroom plus a suite with its own bathroom. We are occupying the two downstairs bedrooms on each side of the bathroom. We're unloaded and ready to go meet the kids...

We passed court!!

Hello,

There were many times over the past 9 months that I thought we would never be able to say this...We PASSED court today! Praise God!! The next step is our case will be submitted to the US Embassy for them to do their investigation to assure the kids meet their definition of true orphans before they give us clearance to bring them home. Thank you to all who have been praying for us during this process. Ryan's visit with the kids is going really well. I'll let you in on some comments from his trip so far:

Rahel is even more beautiful in person than she is in pictures.

He connected really well with them when he brought them to the guesthouse on day 2.

Eyasu used him as a monkey bar today.

They laughed out loud and smiled really big when they saw pictures and video of Evie.

Rahel shows everyone pictures of her little sister all the time.

Eyasu, our 4 year old little boy, wants a pink room.

When he told them that I loved them and missed them very much...Joseph said he misses me too! (Awe...break my heart!)

He has been able to talk with Solomon alot.

He asked each of the kids individually if they are happy and they all said yes and he asked them if they wanted to come and live with us in America and they said yes!!

One of the boys at the orphanage that is about 10 called Ryan papa the whole time he was there the first day and he didn't know what to say to him. (This breaks my heart...this young boy is a total sweetheart!!)

Ryan says he is diligently journaling so he will have even more to share when he returns!! So stay tuned.

Jessica

odd or even

I know I just blogged a few days ago and I'm not due for another one for a couple months, but something's on my mind.

To give you a backdrop I'm reading Humility by CJ Mahaney. I should say I'm being wrecked by Humility by CJ Mahaney. I commend it to you if you struggle with issues of pride...and if you don't struggle with pride then you REALLY need to read it. I'm convinced pride is the ultimate foundation of sin. Just before I typed that last line I was googling for a quote on pride to make myself sound smart. (sigh) Anyway, I'm just giving you some insight into what's been going on in my life. I am not entirely sure what it has to do with what I intended to write here but it's what started coming out when I started typing. ...making the connection...making the connection...

This is like dial-up...

Mahaney gives some practical ways on developing humility and slaying pride. Some really good ways. One of the things he says is important is looking for and pointing out "evidences of grace" in others. In other words, we should look to intentionally see the imago dei, God's image imprinted on others. The Bible is quite clear on this matter and I won't go into a ton of background here. If you want more on this read the Bible and Mahaney's book. I need to get to what I came here for before I lose you.

I've been trying to see God's grace in others over the past week. It's quite alarming when I begin trying to turn your snide thoughts and snarky comments into life-building exhortations. I've started just by doing it in my head. Practicing. Lest I open my mouth and look like a fool (see pride).

I'm making the bridge. Are you walking with me?

This will sound at first like an aside. I promise it ties in. Let me be really honest. A time or two I have gotten frustrated at waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby. I have snapped at Jessica once or twice. (I am tempted to type "due to lack of sleep" or some other excuse) There is no excuse. Really. There's not. Don't get me wrong I consider God's grace daily! I am immensely grateful for Evie. But it's easy to lose sight of God's grace. I forget to be thankful for things sometimes. My pride gets in the way. I like my sleep. And God's grace slips my mind. I've had Jessica all to myself for more than half my life. God's grace moves to the back and my pride and jealousy steps forward.

I've now started looking for evidences of grace, even Evie and Jessica. It's pretty easily found in them, the ones you love most. In the twilight hours one morning I was feeding Evie and praying for her:

Lord, thank You for her lungs and breath that wake me up. I ask that she would use her voice to lead others to You, to speak truth, and to stand up for the oppressed.

Thank You for her digestive system that seems to only make messes out of one end or the other. I'm not sure how her digestive system will honor you, but You made every bit of her and I pray she honors you with her whole being.

God, I thank you for her hands that always seem to get into the spit-up. Lord, may her hands always serve others and bring praise to You.

This may sound odd or even funny, but I need to give thanks for these things. Maybe you do too. I must preach these things to myself in order to keep a proper perspective. An amazing miracle happened in the Old Testament, one that often goes unnoticed. As the Israelites marched through the desert for decades God caused the Israelites clothes and shoes to not wear out! Can you imagine that?!? My shoes don't last 2 years, much less a deacde! Much less 4 decades! Do you think they gave thanks for their shoes? I don't think I've ever said "God, thank You for my shoes. Thanks that they stay in good shape." I forget the grace that's been given to me. I don't thank God often enough. I'm going to do better.

Thanks for reading.

I'll be wrecked

I don't have tons of news, but I do have important news. Plus it's been a while since we've written anything and several of you have asked. Thanks for caring and keeping up.

I will be traveling to Ethiopia to go to court the end of this month. November 29th is our court date. Jessica will be staying home with Evie because we are not ready to leave her and go that far away yet and we certainly would not get on a sixteen hour flight with her. A great friend, Dr. Donnie Williams is traveling with me. He's not really a doctor, but I just made him one because he deserves it for this. It's not that I need someone to go with me, but it sure beats traveling alone! So, we'll be flying over the day after Thanksgiving and returning on the first Friday in December.

I finally get to meet our kids! I can't even play the video of them in my memory without tearing up at their voices calling me 'papa', so I'm quite sure I'll be wrecked when I see them. It's a swirl of emotion as you can probably imagine. Nervousness and excitement.

Well, a little about Evie. She probably weighs close to 9 pounds now and is great with nonverbal communication. All she has to do is sit back in her carseat while I carry her and she quite effectively informs me that I need to workout more. Jessica picks up on her cues far better than I. Jessica knows her so well. My heart is glad to watch Jessica mother. She is so good at it.

One last thing. Different people have asked about or commented on the fact that we are still adopting even though we had a child. Yes we are. For several reasons. God had placed a love for these kids deep into our hearts before Evie was born. Also, adoption has been the plan for a long time now. We were not adopting out of loneliness, guilt, obligation, or altruism. We are adopting because we are called in scripture to love people the way Jesus loves people. How does He love us? Up close and personal. Regardless of race or status or past. Deeply. So deep in fact that He gave His life to make us His. That is what Jessica and I are called to. To give ourselves fully and completely, not to a cause, but to children with names. David Platt said (at least I think it was him) orphans are forgettable until you know their names, see their faces, or hold them in your arms. There's so much truth in that. Before the dawn of time God knew your name and He had a plan from the beginning to make you His. Not because of anything special about you, but because He is good.

Caring for orphans and widows should be on the hearts and minds of all of God's children because were it not for adoption none of us would be His.

Thanks for reading.

Ryan may be in ET during the Christmas holidays!!

Our case has officially been submitted to court!!! I can't believe it finally happened. We should hear in mid-October when our court date is...we've been told it will likely be late December. One step closer...

Thank you so much to those who have faithfully prayed for this to happen!! We are so grateful.

Jessica

Evie Update #2

She is getting stronger each day. We are starting to see her personality and some of her mannerisms: she likes to keep her hands by her face, she likes to suck her fingers and sometimes her thumb. She fusses at her feeding times. They're going to wait a few more days before trying to take her off the nasal cannula again. She is starting to take many of her feedings from the bottle which is one of her goals for discharge. When she is taking all feedings from the bottle she will get the feeding tube taken out!! Thank you for continuing to lift her in prayer! We are so thankful.

Evie update #1

Hey everybody,

First, I want to thank God for how well our little one is doing...He deserves all the glory!! Next, I want to thank all our family and friends who have been praying fervently for us...we have definitely felt covered in prayer!

So Evie had a big day yesterday...her bilirubin level stayed down so they were able to turn the bili light off! This is a big deal because we could only take her out from under the light for me to feed her and hold her a few times a day. Papa is really happy about this because he gets to hold her as long as he likes now...he was getting jealous that I was the main one to hold her since I needed to feed her. Speaking of feeding....they have been able to increase her feedings through the tube each day and were able to discontinue the IV yesterday!! She still has the nasal cannula for air flow to remind her to take deep breaths.

I was discharged from the hospital Monday but was able to stay in my room 2 more nights to feed her. But they needed my room for patients so I slept at home last night. My plan is to be at the hospital for the 8am and 11 o'clock feedings then go home to rest and be back for the 5 pm feeding.

I love being her mom! We both got to give her a bath last night...that was fun. All my days in labor and delivery and helping out in the newborn nursery are coming back to me. I make Ryan nervous...he thought I was scrubbing her head too hard...he's so funny! She is going to be so spoiled by him...he's going to be such a softie.. :-)

Things I've seen her do and interesting observations:

Yawns

Hiccups

Sticking her tongue out

She sleeps with her hand just under chin, propped on her chest just like Ryan does.

Sleeps with her mouth open...also like Ryan. This may just be a normal newborn thing...

Well I've got to run to make it to her next feeding!

Love,

Jessica